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Wouldn't this be great? I mean, I can find lettuce that was grown "organically", with a clever little sticker on it to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So why can't I find a decent piece of vegetation with a "this product was not picked by illegal immigrants" sticker? Wouldn't you pay a little extra to know your tomatoes were picked by hard-working Americans instead of Juan and his amigos? I say it's time to start rewarding honest American farmers who hire legal workers, and if that means paying a little more for their products to ...
Ok, since when did Steven King become a CNN contributor? Is the Government trying to send us coded messages? Is this a message from Al Qaeda to one of the sleeper cells? The first public acknowledgement of Skynet? Are the machines gaining sentience and will they soon have dominion over us all? Is Cris Angel working with scientists on advanced Monkeybot war machines? Ok, Ok, I know I'm being a little sarcastic. I'm just disappointed that monkeys have developed telekinesis before us, that's all...
Just look at this headline. The Pope is obviously way too pumped for the new 
First Jesse James copied Vanilla Ice's look, and now every punk ass kid in the world is dressing like these losers. 
How good is it to be king? Just ask former New York Governor 
Lately I have been overhearing this new phrase a lot. Feng Shui. I never knew what in the hell people were talking about, or what the word meant until just a few days ago. The curiosity finally peaked and I had to look it up. 
Seriously people, does this dude look like the next President of the United States? President Barack Hussein Obama? Are you all smoking crack? What has this guy ever done besides spew political catch phrases while doing a piss-poor imitation of Martin Luther King Jr? What's next, Barack's "I had a dream too" speech?
If you go into a Circle-K convenience store and purchase only the following items you are undoubtedly a loser:
I snapped this picture of someone apparently training to join "Team Bigfoot" while driving on the 101 around the exit for the 51. To those of you driving monster trucks around the city: You are not cool, your vehicle looks like crap, you are not sponsored by Edelbrock, Rancho or K&N, you are not driving in the Monster Truck Circuit, and having a giant pickup truck does not make your tool bigger - it just makes you a tool.
To get to the bottom of this you have to first accept the scientific fact that human beings are part of the animal kingdom. We aren't some special creature that has no relation to all other living things on Earth. In fact, as pretty much everyone now knows, we share 95% of our genetic material with chimpanzees. We didn't just magically appear one day. If you can't accept the fact that humans are mammalian primates then rational discourse is beyond you, and you should report back to your flock immediately for further brain-washery.
In a 
Todays Life Lesson is about the "disease" of addiction. First off, there is no such thing, you weak-willed douche! The next person to blame their binge drinking on a "disease", or their parents "bad genes", should immediately be stricken down by a powerful blow from the nearest rational human being within reach of a blunt object. Your binge drinking is no more a disease than my addiction to all things related to Scarlett Johansson's tits and ass. Just because you are addicted to something doesn't mean you have a "disease"!
Let's take a minute to go over some basic urinal etiquette, since the vast majority of people seem to have no clue.
The dude who looks like Gimlit from "Lord Of The Rings" and the chick who looks like she could be fuck-able in like 5 more years both die. There, now you know, now you can STFU about this stupid ass book and stop feeding JK's insanely huge ego and pocket book. Now that you know the ending to your little fairy tale, it's time to move away from the kiddie section at Borders (where you look like a pedophile standing in the corner working yourself into a frenzied lather over some story about a 12 year old boy) ...
I've got a little secret I am going to let you in on: THERE IS NO SECRET. Furthermore if you believe there is a "Secret" then you are an utterly hopeless douchebag. I don't care what Oprah told you during your daily 3pm seance, the only way to get what you want in life is to go out and work for it. Even then, there is a 99.9% chance you still won't get what you desire. Why? Because most of the shit you want is completely ridiculous and self indulgent you lazy prick!
Does this picture put you in the mood to rent and watch a movie?
Are you f'in kidding me?