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GAS IS $3 A GALLON? GOOD!  by Norm Arbusto 9/2/2005 at 10:22
The nation-wide gas average is now around $2.75 a gallon, on itís way to $3. While this is annoying, because it costs us a few more bucks to fill up, there are some POSITIVES we can take from this:

$3 A Gallon: The Positives

- That guy with the new H2 that you were so jealous of, yeah, serious buyers remorse on that one. Try and remember to ask "so, I bet gas prices are really hurting your wallet" next time you see him. Watch for the twitch in his lip. Finish him off with the comment "Man, my Corolla ...
 


A LITTLE GAME I LIKE TO CALL: WHO IS THE REAL IDIOT?  by Norm Barker 8/25/2005 at 10:25
THE IDIOT: George W. Bush
Dubya had over 1/2 of the Country telling him he needed more troops in Iraq. He also had 1/2 of the Country telling him he needed a good post-war plan. In the end it was like yelling at the family pet: He looked at us glassy-eyed like he was understanding us, but really he was just thinking about sniffing Cheneyís ass.
THE REAL IDIOT(S): People who voted for Bush
After 4 years of stupidity they still chose to vote for him, simply because they couldnít handle the democrats winning the election. This isnít a football game ...
 


YOU ARE NOT A RACE CAR DRIVER AND YOUR CAR LOOKS LIKE $H!T!  by Norm Yakazuma 8/23/2005 at 10:51
Have you seen this car before? Sure you have, remember, on the freeway? This is the car that passed you going 90MPH. It didnít have a muffler so it sounded like a Harley Davidson? Remember now?

Letís discuss a few things about this car, and its driver:

----------------------------------------

About The Car:
This is a Honda Civic. That is right, a HONDA CIVIC. MSRP on this vehicle was around $13,660.

There are a lot of things this car IS: A family wagon, a great car for the city, an affordable vehicle for college students, a disposable automobile that serves itself well to "first time ...
 


DONíT MESS WITH (THIS GUY FROM) TEXAS!  by Norm 8/16/2005 at 16:07
Before I begin, if you havenít heard of Cindy Sheehan and her plight, here is the quick run-down: Her son, Casey, died in Iraq fighting in the "war against terror". She is now demanding to speak with President Bush about the matter, camping out on the side of the road in front of Bushís house holding "vigil".

So... Cindy setup a bunch of crosses, etc on the side of the road, to honor the fallen soldiers. All part of her master plan to woo President Bush into a meeting by using nothing but irrationality and sheer determination. ...
 


PHIL WINS! CBS SUCKS!  by Norm Mickelson 8/16/2005 at 11:24
Ok, first things first! Phil secured his second Major Championship victory Monday morning by playing even par on his last 4 hours, making a gorgeous flop-shot to setup a birdie on 18! It was truly a nice end to the tournament for us Phils-FANatics!

Now, there are million articles online about the victory, so if you want to read more about the details, look elsewhere. This thread isnít about that. It is about the "Monday" finish, and why it happened.

Here is the deal: Saturday night every meteorologist in the Tri-State area predicted rain for Sunday evening. The ...
 


RUBBER BRACELET INSANITY  by Norm Armstrong 8/11/2005 at 10:41
Ok, WTF is up with the rubber bracelets already people? Since when is rubber jewelry in fashion? Itís a glorified rubber band with some text on it! They usually state some obvious modern-day proverb that only a moron would need to be reminded of! It wonít give you super-powers, or protect you from evil.

I donít know about you, but I donít need a piece of rubber to remind me of the obvious, such as: Cancer is bad, war is bad, troops need support, Lance can ride a bike really really well, etc.

And it doesnít stop there. I saw ...
 


THE HARRY POTTER --> AL-QAEDA CONNECTION  by Norm 8/10/2005 at 14:48
I finally have PROOF! Harry Potter (or Author J.K. Rowling) is in bed with Al-Qaeda!

Now before we get into the facts, letís set a few things straight: If you are over age 12, and own a Harry Potter book, you are gay (the modern definition of gay - not meaning homosexual or happy). If you are over 12, and enjoyed the Harry Potter movies, you are also gay. The only excuse that can save you from your own gay-ness is if you own them because you have children. Still though, kind of gay. The sad thing ...
 


ON HOLIDAY!  by Just Norm 8/3/2005 at 10:38
319 Days: The number of days to date that President Bush has spent on vacation while occupying the office of President Of The United States Of America (Story).

Let’s see here. He has been President for 5 years now. That works out to 64 days of vacation per year, 5.3 days per month. In comparison, I, like most American workers, accumulate 1 whole day of vacation per month.

Now, I’d like to think my job is fairly demanding of my time. I have to be here like 40 hours a week, and I have to drag my ...
 


INTO THE WEST SPARKS INDIAN OUTRAGE  by Buffalo Norm 8/1/2005 at 14:18
The newly released TNT production Into The West has apparently sparked outrage amongst the various North American Indian Tribes.

If you didnít get a chance to watch the 6-Episode Mini-Series Executive-Produced by Steven Spielberg, it was basically 12 hours of pro-Indian rhetoric and proselytization of various Indian beliefs. Pile this onto the heap of White-Man Demonization in the film, and you have a sure-fire recipe for angst in the Native-American community.

Now, it seems, some Indians are rebelling against their long-sword keepers, also know as "wasichu".

Now I donít know who wrote the screenplay for ...
 


HOW IN THE HELL ARE THEY FINDING THEM SO FAST?  by Sergeant Norm 7/28/2005 at 10:22
Ok, there are stories all over the news like this, this, and this. WTF? Am I the only one outraged by the fact that British Authorities have been making arrests left and right in connection with the July 7th Terrorist Attack in London? I mean, they just arrested a key suspect in ZAMBIA! Zambia?

Let’s think back to 9-11. Do you remember the U.S. making arrests? Sure. I do. LOTS of them. But, how many of these people arrested turned out to be the ACTUAL terrorists involved in the planning/execution of the 9-11 ...
 


YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF...  by Norm Foxworthy 7/27/2005 at 10:05
...your backyard pool is really the bed of your pickup-truck lined with a tarp and filled up with water from the garden hose.





This isnít photoshop magic people. This picture comes direct from the Associated Press (AP): Story

I wonder what Cooter and Bubba are thinking?
Just for fun, letís take a few stabs at it:

- "Hereís to good eatiní, and fine liviní. Now pass the potted meat."

- "Hey Cooter, you think Wal-Mart has any of those foam water noodles?"

- "Bubba, I have to get going, my Sister is coming by for a visit."

- "Hey, uh, what time is ...
 


SADDAM RELIVES CAPTURE ON WITNESS STAND!  by Captain Norm 7/21/2005 at 16:20
The following is a NBF colorized transcript of the projected testimony by former Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein:

"That evening I had a nice camel steak. I took the meat with some fine Egyptian tea. For a man on the run, it was a good meal.

I had just laid down on some straw in the corner of my hut when I heard the faint sound of American warplanes approaching. My heart began to pound, as it did every night I heard such noises. Was tonight the night? Would the infidels ever give up?

A few moments later I heard the ...
 


PHOENIX IS HOT MMM-K (TOP TEN)  by Norm Einstein 7/21/2005 at 10:56
phoe∑nix also phe∑nix ( P ) Pronunciation (fnks)
n.

Mythology. A bird in Egyptian mythology that lived in the desert for 500 years and then consumed itself by fire, later to rise renewed from its ashes.

Whatís this mean? PHOENIX IS HOT.

Now that we have covered the obvious, in honor of those dying from the heat, here are my Top Ten Last Words Of People Dying From The Heat In Phoenix:

10) "Hey Twitch, do you think we should still be burning this trashfire?"

9) "Oh, PHOENIX! I have been hearing FELIX this whole time!"

8) "I wonder if ...
 


SOME NBF CAPTIONED PICS!  by Norm Of The Rocks 7/14/2005 at 09:37


"Do you know who my f*cking Dad is? Donít push me, I have a big red button in this suitcase with your name on it."


"Hey, a BJ is a BJ!"


"OK, where is your tent boys? Itís payback time Bill!"


"So, I started using my thumb, sorta like this..."


"If this space between my hands represents how close I am to eternal salvation, with the right being far from it, and the left being a demi-god, Iíd say I am somewhere around the palm of my left hand."

 


I AM GOING TO BASH THAT PHONE OVER YOUR HEAD IF YOU REAR-END ME  by Norm 7/12/2005 at 11:19
***NEWSFLASH***

Today it was confirmed by the Insurance Institute For Highway Safety that driving while talking on a cell phone dramatically increases the possibility of getting into a life-threatening crash.

Well, NO SHIT.

Letsís start with Normís Snapshot Of Cell Phone History:

=======================================

Remember when pagers were cool? You know, Doctors, Lawyers, Stock Brokers, they all had them. They were just that damn important. Everywhere these people went they could be reached. And these slick-haired yuppies loved it. They ate it up. They ruled as King, and the pager was their scepter.

(2 Weeks Later...)

Every punk kid in suburbia now has a ...
 


OMG, WAS IT RUDY?  by Major Norm 7/7/2005 at 15:04
The FBI and British Authorities have confirmed that Rudolph "Rudy" Giuliani was merely yards away from the epicenter of the terror blasts in London this morning.

Is this coincidence? I offer that it is not! Rudy (pictured right - in his now infamous "dual hail hitler" salute) is the only major common factor between the 9-11 attack in New York City and the London bombings.

I know what you are thinking: Why? Why would Rudy do it? Well, I think Al-Qaeda might have helped him beat prostate Cancer. They obviously have some sort of advanced medicine they are ...
 


THOSE BASTARDS! THEY KILLED LIMEYS!  by Norm Cartman 7/7/2005 at 10:35
Al-Qaeda has struck again, this time in London. So far 33 are confirmed dead, and hundreds injured as (3) bombs were detonated in the "tubes" (Subway) and (1) bomb on a double-decker bus (yeah, like the ones in Austin Powers).

Around the watercooler today I have heard some disturbing comments, such as: "Maybe now they have an idea what it is like", or "Maybe now they will support Tony Blair in Iraq". Is that what it has come to? You donít think our friends in the U.K. understood 9-11, so now (since they have been attacked) they ...
 


MICKEY D’S NEW THREADS  by Norm Diddy 7/6/2005 at 11:35
Look who’s getting some new threads!

Ron-dog, my main man! Ah didn’t know ya wuz uh thug!

As if it isn’t enough that we can’t understand a word the drive-thru employee is saying (because they are speaking some bastardized form of English), we now get to pull up to the window to see DMX wearing the latest from Sean Jean handing us our fries. What’s next, Tupac gonna toss me my shake? How about Drive-"Thru" shootings? Maybe I’ll fork over a $20 and not get my change back or have a "9" put in my face?

In honor of ...
 


WAR OF THE WORLDS: INVASION OF THE INEPT  by Norm Ebert 7/3/2005 at 13:55
Letís start this bitch of by saying that War Of The Worlds was EXCELLENT. The movie was extremely well done. However, lets face it people, the only reason we avoided extinction is because these Aliens were inept and arrogant.

-----------------------------------------------------

Lets take a look at the facts:

- Alien Weaponry And Technology:
This Alien species allegedly planted the Tripods on earth millions of years ago. Are you telling me that Alien technology hasnít advanced in a million years? These Aliens choose to unearth these Tripod machines they hid a million years ago, instead of using some new Alien technology? How about some ...
 


TEN COMMANDMENTS? HOW ABOUT FIVE ROBED JACKASSES!  by Norm-eelzebub 6/27/2005 at 15:39
Ok, well this really pisses me off. The Supreme Court has decided in a 5-4 ruling that displaying the "Ten Commandments" outside a government building is not inherently a violation of the "Establishment Clause".

I don’t understand why these people cant take a step back and look at the basics of this issue. Here is my take:

----------------------------------------------

A) Who are the people fighting to display the Ten Commandments? They are mainly Right-Wing Evangelicals. These people will tell you straight to your face the reason they want the Ten Commandments displayed is because they want to impose their ...
 




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